How Felix entered the World

Every professional who spoke to me in the 9 months of pregnancy advised me to have an elective ceasaren. I was unsure right up to the last month. I just didn't know what to do. What was best for the baby, for me, for my family. I had a difficult birth with Oliver. I wasn't prepared for it. I didn't read books and I should have, then maybe I wouldn't have had the problems we had. Perhaps I should have learnt my lesson and done some research the second time around. I think I ignore it all on purpose. Not wanting to know.

Finally, I made a decision. I decided to have an ceasarean. Then panic struck a little too late. Again, I didn't read the books. I wasn't completely sure what would happen. Perhaps I was shutting it out, not wanting to know for sure. I contacted my friend at the last minute to ask her all about what to expect. I lay in the operating room looking up. Realising what was about to happen. The tears flooded. I wasn't prepared for this but the thought of being in hospital, in an operating room scared me. I had never been in hospital before {other then having Oliver} let alone in an operating room. What were they about to do to me?

It was all a completely different experience this time round. No labour pains. No waters breaking. Instead I had a date already ear marked, in fact, I got to pick the date. Weird. We turn up at 7am to sit and wait for our turn. We waited and waited. We were told our turn was next. To be then told that someone else has jumped the queue. An emergency or a private patient. Finally, around midday, it was our turn.

The process of getting the epidural seemed to take forever. I am not sure if that was because I was completely and utterly scared of what was to come, anxious to meet my new baby and that here I was on my own in the operating room waiting for hubby to join me. Finally, he was able to come in and hold my hand. And that he did. I squeezed it. He squeezed mine. We were both pretty squirmish and unaware.

The doctors were lovely. Or what I could see of them behind the big blue curtain that was covering my tummy. I could feel tugging and movement down in my belly. It didn't hurt. It just felt weird. I didn't realise until I was discussing it with a friend but that tugging was probably my bladder or liver or something similar being taken out and placed on the operating table to make room for my baby.

I also didn't realise that having a ceasarean meant that not only one layer of skin was being cut but also layers and layers of muscle and fat was also being cut. Hence why they call it a major operation and hence why they say it takes 6 weeks to recover.

Getting our little baby out only took about 10-15 minutes. The stitching up afterwards took way way longer then that. I remember when they lifted Felix's head out and they turned back the curtains. He was looking straight at me. So gorgeous and innocent. We still didn't know at that point if the baby was a girl or a boy but I knew just looking at him that he was a boy. He looked just like Oliver. The doctor said this little baby is going be a thinker. If he is like his big brother, then he will definitely be a thinker.

When Felix was lifted out, my blood pressure dropped and I was unable to hold him or be near him. I felt sick, like I wanted to be sick. I wanted to hold him but I couldn't. It took a lifetime for them to stitch me back up and get me back in the recovery ward where I could finally hold my new baby and bond with him. He was so much like his bigger brother. I felt like I was reliving Oliver being born all over again.

I remember thinking that I would never recover from the operation. I had terrible after birth pains, a horrendous cough which didn't help the wound and felt like I had been hit in the stomach. Life did get better. A whole lot better. I had a new little baby boy. A brother for Oliver. Another son to love. No matter how you give birth to your children, it doesn't matter. They are still yours to love and nuture. I still have a great bond with Felix. He is my 2nd son and I adore him to bits and so does his big brother. We are now a family of 4.